Grooming is a Relationship, Not a Test of Tolerance.
Grooming isn't about making a dog tolerate us. It’s about building a relationship where they don’t have to. Consider looking at this idea from a different perspective entirely. We understand as humans how important it is to maintain a relationship with ourselves, our friends, our family, and society as a whole. This all begins by understanding yourself, your nervous system, and how you face the world because of it. Oftentimes I have encountered situations where grooming is looked at merely for cosmetic purposes, to remove matting, to make your animal “photo ready” for family or social events. While this is one element of grooming, there is an entire world beyond the hands-on techniques and tools we use to accomplish the end result of a clean, groomed pet.
A few common misconceptions I aim to challenge and reframe in this include the idea that grooming should be quick, compliant, and efficient, dogs exhibiting resistance, which is often interpreted as bad behavior, and a “good dog” tolerates everything.
This is far beyond the truth, and I will aim to re-write this perspective that’s easily understood by both pet parents, and fellow groomers to help guide and build deeper relationships to not only you and your pet, but to the craft itself.
Dogs are inherently creatures of habit and predictability. Their nervous system is safest when they can rely on their environment being consistent, predictable, and through external cues given by us - their humans! Our nervous systems act as mirrors for our animals. Beyond spoken word as a way to communicate with our friends and family, we also rely heavily on nervous system cues (reading frantic, stressed body language vs. calm composure) which can always be felt without saying anything.
How you approach your animal will set the tone for the rest of your interaction with them, and with grooming: if you approach already impatient, overwhelmed from the day, or stressed - the animal WILL notice. Animals are MUCH more prone to identifying these unspoken cues because their senses are naturally heightened compared to us humans.
Taken directly from the scientific journal titled, “The odour of an unfamiliar stressed or relaxed person affects dogs’ responses to a cognitive bias test” (Parr-Cortes et al., 2024)
“Indeed, there is evidence that dogs show an increase in stress-related behaviours and heart rate when exposed to odours from humans reporting fear and show an increase in stranger-oriented behaviours and a decrease in owner-oriented behaviours when exposed to odours from happy humans. Dogs also exhibit a right nostril preference when sniffing human adrenaline, veterinarian sweat and the odour of a stressed dog. Since olfactory signals from the right nostril are processed in the right hemisphere, which is hypothesised to be involved in the processing of negative emotions, this, too, suggests dogs perceive these odours as threatening or arousing.”
Not only this, but there is research provided in identifying and understanding the relationship between humans and their stress response and the dog’s capacity to sense these differences. (Parr-Cortes et al., 2024)
“The perception of stress in humans carries potential welfare implications if it negatively affects dogs’ emotional state and is an important consideration for dogs living and working in environments where human stress is high.”
First hand experiences I can provide can detail just how important our environment is for the success of our relationship to self and our animals. I have seen first-hand the importance of regulating my own nervous system first through something as simple as breath work. Groomers classically face long, grueling hours on their feet, running around, handling a LOT of tasks at once.
I have spent a majority of my professional career in this industry working under a corporate entity, and with that brings corporate business numbers, which means longer days, higher volume, and burnt out groomers.
It is absolutely possible to find a way to balance these factors so grooming can be more successful for these corporations, however I find it best for both the groomers, and the clients (both human and non!) to work in a smaller, closer-knit environment. It was very difficult for me to feel I could nurture a proper relationship to my clients and their pets due to the restrictions of a corporation as it also felt as if I were mainly there to perform well on paper, but the emphasis on client-to-groomer relationship didn’t seem to be a big enough priority in the structure of how the salon was ran.
Grooming is not a transactional industry. It is relational at its core, built on trust, consistency, and the understanding that we work with living beings and their very real humans, not just numbers on a schedule.
What if we challenge the rhetoric that to be a better groomer you don't need to be able to groom as many dogs in a day and challenge your own endurance by risking burnout and working over-time, and instead you become a better groomer when you understand that regulating your nervous system before ever approaching your work day bridges that gap between you and your bond to the animals in your care?
My work flow immediately improved once I:
Eliminated stress-factors I could control
Curated my salon to enhance the opportunity for relaxation for both myself, and my animals
Candles, aromatherapy, binaural beats playing in the background, nature-inspired decorations (vines, mini waterfalls, etc) all of which invites a welcoming, relaxing space
Understood that my energy is a mirror for the animals I engage with
Fast volume on the books does not equal success. Patience, predictability, and comfort create sustainable success.
One key element I bring up frequently in dialogue with clients when they encounter an area of friction between them and their animal, or I perhaps experience an area of difficulty for the pet while grooming (certain triggers may be their feet being touched, holding under their chin, and working on their hindquarters) I explain the three biggest elements that must be considered for a dog to progress:
Exposure
Repetition
Consistency
Why these three things specifically? We must take a look into what we currently know around dogs and their cognitive abilities. (DeAngelis, 2025)
“... understanding how to optimize the relationship between dogs and humans, is at the heart of the growing field of dog cognition. On top of studying how dogs understand human gestures and language, psychologists and others are exploring dogs’ powerful sense of smell, how they choose which humans to cooperate with, and even what their memories are made of. Researchers are also using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and electroencephalography (EEG) to peer inside the minds of dogs, as well as collecting brain tissue and genetic data to understand aging and disease.”
We can consider our most basic understanding of dogs’ capacities to adapt and learn from their environment through famous Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov and his classical conditioning. (Sanvictores, Mahabadi, & Rehman, 2025)
“He [Ivan Pavlov] found that the rate of acquisition during the initial stages of learning depended on the prominence of the stimulus and the timing between the introduction of the neutral stimulus and the unconditioned stimulus.”
Pavlov first realized that through repeatedly testing his theory, his dog learned quickly through a new, repeated stimulus that was consistently presented, he responded favorably to the desired outcome Pavlov began testing. Consistency and repetition are critical for a dog to gain a positive relationship to grooming, and that begins with us doing our part in that: providing consistent, safe, grounded care the dog can begin to rely on as a sanction of peace that once used to bring anxiety and undue stress into their nervous system - simply because they had previously formed a relationship to grooming that was not built around this same principle.
Grooming does not have to be something a dog merely survives. When approached through the lens of nervous system regulation, predictability, and relationship-building, grooming becomes a process rooted in trust rather than tolerance. Dogs are not resisting care to be difficult; they are communicating their capacity, their history, and their need for safety within the interaction. When we shift our focus away from speed, restraint, and compliance, and instead prioritize consistency, grounded presence, and emotional attunement, we create grooming environments where dogs are able to engage without fear.
Reframing grooming as a relationship rather than a transaction challenges long-standing industry norms, but it also opens the door to more sustainable, ethical, and effective care. Success is no longer measured solely by efficiency or volume, but by the quality of trust built over time, between groomer and dog, human and animal, and practitioner and craft. When we regulate ourselves first, we offer dogs the opportunity to borrow our calm, rewrite their associations with grooming, and participate in care that honors their nervous system as much as their physical needs. In doing so, grooming becomes not only a service, but a relationship built to last.
References
DeAngelis, T. (2025, October 1). How dogs think. Monitor on Psychology, 56(7).https://www.apa.org/monitor/2025/10/how-dogs-think
Parr-Cortes, Z., Müller, C.T., Talas, L. et al. The odour of an unfamiliar stressed or relaxed person affects dogs’ responses to a cognitive bias test. Sci Rep 14, 15843 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-024-66147-1
Sanvictores, T., Mahabadi, N., & Rehman, C. I. (2025). Classical conditioning. In StatPearls [Internet]. StatPearls Publishing.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326/